Beyond Understanding
At one point during the afternoon today I took a short break from my reading. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and thought about life. I’ve thought about my life a lot over the past few months, and it’s been good since I’ve been up here not to think about it so much. I have a bit of a tendency to overthink and overanalyze things, and to focus on those things which lead me to despair rather than hope. But today was different. Today as I thought, I was not overwhelmed by the mess I have made of things in the past. I was not disheartened by my failures and my shortcomings. There was a new feeling today, and I can only describe it as genuine peace; peace as I have not known in a long time.
Perhaps it is an indication of the power of that moment that I am now unable to find the words to describe adequately the feeling of relief that flooded over my every thought of life. I was seeing not only the present, but the difficult moments of the past and the future, through the filter of God’s sovereignty, and for the first time I think I truly grasped the truth that God has been in control of it all. I was overwhelmed.
These lyrics from Nichole Nordeman’s song “I Am” ran through my mind:
When I am weak, unable to speak,
Still I will call You by name.
“Oh Shepherd, Savior, Pasture-maker,
Hold on to my hand,” and You say “I am.”
When I am weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name.
“Creator, Maker, Life-sustainer,
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer,
Lord and King, Beginning and the End
I am, yes, I am.”
Praise God that as I sang these words to God, I meant them. Today, I called God my Shepherd, my Comforter, and my very Life-sustainer, and I meant it. He has been these things to me, and the result is a rest and peace which my weary soul has so desperately longed for. Today, I heard the voice of God saying to me: “It’s okay. Everything has been okay, and it’s going to be okay. I’ve made it okay through the blood of my Son. I crushed Him for you. I sent Him to suffer so that you could spend eternity with Me. But until you get here, everything is going to be okay. I AM.”
posted by Brian Whalen @ 5:45 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Hopefully this won't come off as too uber serious...but I can completely relate to the feelings you expressed in this post. The past eight or nine months have been times of incredible internal struggle for me...just dealing with life. Even though now sometimes I revert back to the restless, questioning, unbelief that were my closest companions during that time, I believe I am beginning to, as you said, realize that all that happens to me happens under the "filter of God's sovereignty." >< Amen. May God continue to bless you with this sort of peace.
It is so easy to give lip service to God's sovereignty, but to really grasp it is just staggering. I've been in situations like that in the past too, where it seems like I just can't get past the present situation or my seemingly continual failures. Meditation on God's sovereignty does wonderous things for my outlook and brings with it that precious, genuine peace. :)
Anyway... it is very encouraging to see how God is working in your life right now. And thanks for keeping us all updated. :)
Its great to hear this my friend. Isn't He good? Isn't He kind? Hasn't He blessed us time after time?!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Looking forward to hearing more from you.
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