Decisions

There is a point in every person’s life at which he or she must make a decision about his or her life. Or rather, there are many such points, but whenever we get to them, it feels like there cannot possibly be or have been a more important decision to make. And that is also true, for in that moment there is no more important decision save the one that must presently be made.

I need not specify examples of such decisions, for as you read this I expect that these points in your life, past, present, and future, will bring themselves to mind. When you think about these decisions, your mind runs over all the possible repercussions of the decision. In past decisions, you think of what has been, or might have been; in future decisions, what might yet be. You think of what your life could look like, of all that could change, because of a mere thought, a conclusion formulated in the inner workings of your conscious mind.

And yet this evening as I find myself at one such point in my life, and verily I feel that no point before has held such significance, and my mind is filled with thoughts of the future unknown, I cannot help but think that this decision is not going to be the defining factor in that future, but rather a point from which a series of new decisions will be birthed. Deciding upon one thing tonight is not going to transport me automatically to that destination which I envision past the door of this decision. It will, however, allow for me to make those decisions each day of my life which will indeed bring me to that desired end.

I have no intention to downplay the importance of such big decisions in life as previously mentioned, but I also want to caution myself against the danger of being caught up in the vision of where I want this decision to bring me and lose sight of the truly significant and difficult decisions that I must make tomorrow, and the day after, and each day forthcoming. These are the decisions that are going to carry me to the place, and the person, I want to be.

Tonight, I dream of who I want to be. Tomorrow I will still be who I am. But this decision I make tonight will offer to me an unending series of future decisions which will ultimately shape me into the person whom I now decide I want to become. Though my resolve may and will at times fail, a decision once made cannot be undone.

So it is with great fervor and determination that I now dive into this decision. I pray that tomorrow the power of the Spirit of God, dwelling in me as the gift of Christ, will strengthen me to make the decisions that will complement, and not counteract, that decision which I now make. I pray that I will rely not on my willpower, but on Christ, and the knowledge that it is not only my will, but God’s, which I am now pursuing, and I acknowledge that it is by grace alone that the two now coincide.