Visible

There’s a well hidden somewhere in this desert. Every once in awhile I catch a glimpse of it. Every once in awhile I catch a glimpse of who I will be when I am through. I know where it is, but I don’t know how to get there yet. I just keep breathing, and walking, and searching, and becoming. I think that’s what I’m supposed to do. I think this is the way.

I find joy in knowing that this present existence is not the final me. There’s a better me waiting at the other end. When I see him, standing strong, I strive and fight and throw all of me into becoming him. And when I see Him, standing strong, I strive and fight and throw all of me into becoming Him. And when I see that it’s He who is making me into him, I believe.

I don’t always see and I don’t always believe, though. Sometimes there are things blocking my view. Sometimes I don’t try to see over those things. Sometimes I just close my eyes. I close my eyes and wish for what was instead of wishing for what will be. I have come to understand that my imagination is selective. In looking back, I remember only the good, and in looking forward I envision only the bad.

I see the bad in the past too, but not as a motivation for the good that is to come; rather as a source of pain and regret and an obstacle to the future. I was made for perfection and somewhere in my heart there is a longing to fulfill that end. Though I will not obtain it on this earth, I know that the day is not far off when the sanctification of God’s people will be made complete. Until then, I want to get as close as possible.

Seeing is believing, but faith is the evidence of things unseen. I guess not seeing can be believing too. I guess there’s a difference between believing what has happened and believing what will yet happen. I think the latter takes a lot more strength. Sometimes I’m strong enough. When I catch those glimpses of the me I will someday be, I think it’s because that someday has in part become today.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take
The clouds you so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings, in blessings
In blessings on your head