Great Expectations

Every morning, upon waking, I have expectations for the upcoming day. Many times, this expectation is pre-determined by something routine, such as a class or work schedule. Other times, this expectation is founded in something I have planned, something I have intended to do on a particular day. But whether or not I have directly chosen a day’s events or interactions, I have an expectation as to what those events will be, and some rough idea of how they will, or “should,” unfold.

I’m going to go ahead and confess that I don’t like when my expectations are not met. It could be something as small as encountering bad traffic on the way to class in the morning, which causes me to be a few minutes late, when I was expecting to be on time. It could be that my plans for the evening fall through, leaving me bored at home, when I was expecting to have something fun to do. Or maybe my plans don’t fall through, but I had some idea of how I wanted the evening to transpire, but something, or someone, caused things to go otherwise. Whatever it may be on any given day, things rarely occur as I expect them to. My prideful temptation in situations like these is to become disappointed at the way things turned out, which can lead to frustration because things didn’t go my way. I think that I know best how everything “should have” happened, and forbid it that anything or anyone interrupts my plan.

Obviously the root sin behind such behavior is selfishness (perhaps the most common manifestation of pride). Notice the very first group of people in Paul’s list of sinners in II Timothy 3:2-4: “For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.” Is it too much of a stretch to say that getting a little upset when things don’t go according to our expectations means that we are one of these people, lovers of self? I don’t think so. I think this is indeed the most accurate label we can give to this sinful reaction.

Consider what lies at the heart of any sinful response to a failed expectation. Our expectations are most often centered around us, and what we want for ourselves. Perhaps your selfishness doesn’t look like disappointment or frustration, but like anger, bitterness, self-pity, or even withdrawal. From the outside, we can easily see that such reactions are caused by a complete lack of consideration for the well-being or interest of others. In the moment, however, these don’t feel like selfishness… they feel like justified responses to the “unfairness” of life, or the “audacity” of others. If only we could see clearly in those moments how we are so arrogantly expecting everyone around us to mold their lives to our desires. It certainly does look then like we are lovers of self more than we are lovers of anyone else.

I John 3:16 says, “By this we know love, that [Christ] laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.” I like the wording in this verse because the reference to Christ laying down His life does not refer only to His death, but also to His sacrificial service while He yet lived. We are called to imitate Christ by laying down our lives and putting the desires of others always before our own. The Greek word here for “lay down” is tithemi. One common definition of this word reads: “to lay off or aside, to carry no longer.” This is not a temporary laying aside, just long enough to satisfy someone else before we can turn our attention once again to ourselves. This is putting aside our desires and carrying them no longer!

How then, shall we combat this selfishness which we can, in hindsight, see as sin, but in the moment feels like a legitimate response? I believe the answer lies in the expectations themselves. We can’t ever completely rid ourselves of expectations, and we shouldn’t try, but we can control what we allow ourselves to expect. In considering the day, we must make every effort to expect not that which will best serve us, but that which will make us most available to serve others. Let us expect that God will provide opportunities for us to lay down our desires so that we may fulfill the desires of those around us. Let us expect that God will empower us with His Spirit to be humble. Let us expect that selfishness will bring us neither joy on earth nor rewards in heaven, and let us expect that humility will indeed bring the greatest of both.